Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I'd Be Putting Up My Christmas Decorations, If My Halloween Stuff Wasn't Frozen To My Front Steps

I now present to you....

Crafty Tutorial #85

“How to make a Squirrel Feeder”
OR: Feed Winter Wonderland Creatures with just a little Forgetfulness or Laziness

(Please note: There are a lot of steps, but don’t let that fool you! They are all easy and involve little or no effort on your part.)

1. Prepare well in advance. Buy one or more nice large pumpkins, preferably for Halloween decorations. Adorn your front steps.

2. Intend to cut them into Jack o lanterns, but, due to holiday busy-ness, forget.

3. Intend to take them off the steps sometime during the month of November, but again, forget.

4. Notice them in December, wonder if they would still be good to cook for pie, and, yes, forget.

5. First snow: shovel your front steps. Notice them again. Notice the rest of the block has Christmas decorations up, and you have pumpkins. Vow to come back and get them. (Forget!)

6. Have a birthday party at your house, and lots of people coming to your front door. Notice them again and take action to get rid of them. Discover that they are now frozen to your front steps. Curse them. There is not enough time to get them unstuck without making a big mess, and people are arriving in minutes, so just leave them, darn it.

7. A few days later, notice a few gnaw marks. Soon, there will be an entire hole cut out of your (cursed) pumpkin allowing easy entrance to the marvelous booty within.
TA DA! Congratulations, you have just made a fabulous and unique squirrel feeder. And see? Wasn’t that easy?

I have found this endlessly entertaining. And I'm not even a big fan of squirrels*. You may now proceed to tell me to get a life.

Not here for squirrel feeder instructions? Ok, how about some knitting knews:

I'm chugging along on my Beryl! Started it on my Thanksgiving holiday. Black cotton ease (vintage). Love! Almost done with the body and then onto the sleeves, with breaks here and there for Christmas knitting.
* except of course for Micawber, who totally rocks.


Blogger Danielle said...

I loved this!!! We're still working on getting our el-cheapo plastic patio chairs inside, but they too are frozen to the ground.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

OMG, this is so funny! Just what I needed this morning before I head out to the (*shudder*) mall.

8:45 AM  
Blogger FemiKnitMafia said...

Danielle just called me (from across the hall) to tell me to read this, and I'm SO glad she did. You are hilarious, m'dear. You put us all to shame with your brilliant squirrel feeder ideas. Thanks!

8:46 AM  
Blogger Carole Knits said...

Looks like a squirrel house, too!

9:01 AM  
Blogger Diane D. said...

You are just endlessly creative ;)!! I have some personal issues with squirrels, but recently one of my kids brought home some "Scaredy Squirrel" books from the school library, and they are awesome.

11:17 AM  
Blogger sweetfigs said...

I have one of those on stuck to the front stoop too, but "my" squirrels haven't been as resourceful!

And don't fret -- those carving pumpkins aren't the kind that go into a pie. Look for pie pumpkins at the fruit & veggie store, and roast away, it's super easy and you can freeze the extra.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Jenny143 said...

This is a tried and true family tradition at my house for the last 5 years or more.
We now live in a neighborhood filled oak trees so the critters are not yet interested in the pumpkins but the pumpkins are waiting patiently.

GLad I am not the only one!

5:47 PM  
Blogger lisabeedesigns said...

Is it just a feeder? Looks like you're providing a winter home for the little guy! What a nice person you are! Loved the write up.

6:53 PM  
Blogger QuiltingFitzy said...

The pic with just the tail sticking out is priceless!

Great post!

5:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMHO....too funny, what a great piece!!!LOLLOL........I love love love your attitude.....yes!

6:29 AM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Oh, I have an extra pumpkin(still good) that my son never got around to carving. Now I know what to do with it :)
P.S. Loved my last splurge of Sophie's Toes(of course!!)

7:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL girl! Best blog post title EVER. It's only 8:30 and I've had my best laff of the day.

xox Kay

7:43 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

Aww, this reminds me of Mousekin's Golden House, by Edna Miller. One of our favorite books.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Sharkeysday said...

That is totally hysterical. I'm not fond of squirrels either, but it makes me want to leave mine out next year! :-)

8:41 AM  
Blogger Rhonda the Stitchingnut said...

Oh you are just so so so clever. And you even intended to provide then with Winter shelter didn't you? I mean "how ingenious" I love it! Altho, my DH would differ, LOL.

... I'll never leave just bird seed out again!

11:34 AM  
Blogger Liz G. said...

Love it! He's a smart little guy - now, if he'd like some nuts, he can come on south to Texas - my yard is full of 'em. (Which makes me think that we will not be having that cold of a winter if these squirrels won't get them!)

2:43 PM  
Blogger judy coates perez said...

Oh my god, I love it, that is so much like something I would do. I love the photo with his back end sticking out.

hey will I see you wednesday at Lauras?

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:24 PM  

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